New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
