You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
