Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
