she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
