if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
