She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
