You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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