She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
