you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
