Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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