anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
why is half of my head shaved?
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