I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
