I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
