My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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