my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
