Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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