You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
