Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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