Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
