Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
