a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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