3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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