She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
