I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
