We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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