the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
