I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
