You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Boobs are out for the taking
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
