Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
