Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
