he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
