i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
