dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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