she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
