her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
