It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
