4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
