I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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