Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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