I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
