He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You smell like stripper and shame
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
