Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
