If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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