Im at strip club and am horny
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
