I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
