): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
