i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
