I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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