glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
