and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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