We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
