I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
