I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
